What's Happening? Didn't You Guys Buy a House, Like, a Year Ago?
I apologise in advance for the crapness of this post. In its first instance, it was an informative, witty, poignant piece of writing, a well-crafted miracle of literature. But I didn't push save, and apparently the Blogger app isn't into pausing things while you go check Facebook, and it deleted the lot. So this is the second effort, contrived and unvarying, doomed to live forever in the shadow of its forebear. Go forth and peruse, dear readers, but do not judge me for your judgement will fall on deaf ears as I weep with bitterness for this half-life I now lead.
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The hour draws near. The moment is almost upon us. Seriously though, after almost a full year of waiting, we are almost in the house! Aw yiss!
We decided to keep the tenants in the house for a year while we made plans, took holidays and saved up for the reno, and let me tell you, no amount of Pinterest will make that year go any faster. There have been lots of different plans in that year... this is where we're at.
Now
As soon as we get the keys (at least right after we pause to take the obligatory "Ooh look, we're homeowners now... watch us adult!" photo) we will doing some works to make the house less ghetto-ey. So we won't be moving in straight away. The main things that will be happening at this time are electrical wiring (not by us), asbestos removal (ew not by us), semi-building a new bathroom with temporary fittings, fitting the temporary kitchen, letting the lean-to laundry fall down, cleaning up walls and surfaces, painting, removing and possibly replacing floor coverings, and adding security using lights, locks and a laser-grid system connected to automatic rifles.
All of these jobs are what we are considering the bare minimum of what we need done before we can live there comfortably. There's a rough timeline of two months (of weekends and weeknights) to get this done. We will hopefully be in before Christmas!
PSA: All friends are welcome to come and help with any of this, and you will be handsomely rewarded with sweaty/dusty hugs and Doritos (cheese supreme flavour, obvs).
2ish months and thereafter
After we're moved and settled in, living in a sea of boxes with to-do lists as far as the eye can see, we want to get a few more of the big jobs done. This includes working on the Staircase of Death to make it more life-friendly, which may lead to knocking down some walls to make an open living area and adding an attic (apparently these things are related).
We will also be fixing up the back garden to make it a magical oasis in the midst of the concrete jungle. So, taking down the goon bags and adding a BBQ and outdoor setting. Also flamingos. A roller door will go in for easy access from the rear lane come Serious Building Time and so we have somewhere to keep the car and motorbike/s. Maybe we'll even plant a couple of plants so that we can watch them slowly die over the ensuing months, as we do with all our plants.
In this time, finance permitting, we will entertain but will most likely reject the idea of fixing up the front facade by underpinning the bricks that are starting to sag, sandblasting and painting, adding a veranda, adding a yummy amount of bluestone, and installing a zombie-proof pointy iron fence.
6ish months and onwards
By this stage, we will hopefully be submitting planning and building permit applications and trying to convince the council that, no, we do not need window screens over our second storey windows that overlook city views/naked sunbaking neighbours. We will probably still be slaving away with painting and fixing the walls and stairs, getting the power, gas, water and internet sorted out, and doing the prep work for knocking down the old lean-too extensions behind the main house that hold the kitchen and bathroom.
In one year's time
Hopefully by this time we will be beginning the proper renovation, the one that takes the house from a dirty old shack to Pemberley.
OR
We will probably want to take a decent holiday. Destinations are likely to include beaches that serve cocktails without making you get off your banana lounge or take your eyes of your Agatha Christie.
______________________________________________________________________________
The hour draws near. The moment is almost upon us. Seriously though, after almost a full year of waiting, we are almost in the house! Aw yiss!
We decided to keep the tenants in the house for a year while we made plans, took holidays and saved up for the reno, and let me tell you, no amount of Pinterest will make that year go any faster. There have been lots of different plans in that year... this is where we're at.
Now
 |
| Luckily we've got good wiring. |
All of these jobs are what we are considering the bare minimum of what we need done before we can live there comfortably. There's a rough timeline of two months (of weekends and weeknights) to get this done. We will hopefully be in before Christmas!
PSA: All friends are welcome to come and help with any of this, and you will be handsomely rewarded with sweaty/dusty hugs and Doritos (cheese supreme flavour, obvs).
2ish months and thereafter
 |
| Fig 1: Staircase of Death. Note: This depicts tiny steps, not giant feet. |
We will also be fixing up the back garden to make it a magical oasis in the midst of the concrete jungle. So, taking down the goon bags and adding a BBQ and outdoor setting. Also flamingos. A roller door will go in for easy access from the rear lane come Serious Building Time and so we have somewhere to keep the car and motorbike/s. Maybe we'll even plant a couple of plants so that we can watch them slowly die over the ensuing months, as we do with all our plants.
In this time, finance permitting, we will entertain but will most likely reject the idea of fixing up the front facade by underpinning the bricks that are starting to sag, sandblasting and painting, adding a veranda, adding a yummy amount of bluestone, and installing a zombie-proof pointy iron fence.
6ish months and onwards
By this stage, we will hopefully be submitting planning and building permit applications and trying to convince the council that, no, we do not need window screens over our second storey windows that overlook city views/naked sunbaking neighbours. We will probably still be slaving away with painting and fixing the walls and stairs, getting the power, gas, water and internet sorted out, and doing the prep work for knocking down the old lean-too extensions behind the main house that hold the kitchen and bathroom.
In one year's time
Hopefully by this time we will be beginning the proper renovation, the one that takes the house from a dirty old shack to Pemberley.
OR
We will probably want to take a decent holiday. Destinations are likely to include beaches that serve cocktails without making you get off your banana lounge or take your eyes of your Agatha Christie.
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